'16 Things I Would Want If I Got Dementia' - The following list, created by Rachael Wonderlin, a dementia care expert, outlines compassionate, person-centred guidelines for supporting someone with dementia. It reflects her advocacy for embracing the individual’s reality and reducing distress, and it’s widely shared in caregiving communities.
If I get dementia, I’d like my family to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. I want them to remember these things.
If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I’m visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.
If I get dementia, don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you. Arguing causes confusion and frustration.
If I get dementia, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me, and I may not recognise you due to memory loss, not a lack of love.
If I get dementia, and I can tell you every detail of an event from 1960 but not what I had for lunch, don’t think I’m “faking” my dementia. My long-term memory may remain intact while short-term memory fades.
If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room. Include me in conversations, even if I can’t fully participate.
If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you can’t care for me 24/7. It’s okay to seek professional help or a care community to ensure I’m safe and happy.
If I get dementia, don’t avoid visiting because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Your presence matters more than perfect words.
If I get dementia, and I repeat myself, don’t get frustrated. Repetition is part of my reality, and patience helps me feel secure.
If I get dementia, don’t remind me that someone has died. This can cause fresh grief each time. Redirect me to a comforting topic instead.
If I get dementia, give me simple choices. Too many options can overwhelm me. For example, ask, “Would you like tea or coffee?” instead of listing multiple drinks.
If I get dementia, know that I still have feelings. I may not express them clearly, but I can feel love, sadness, or joy.
If I get dementia, don’t stop engaging me in activities I love. Simplify them if needed, like listening to music or looking at old photos, to keep me connected.
If I get dementia, don’t assume I can’t communicate. Even if my words don’t make sense, my tone and body language still convey meaning.
If I get dementia, celebrate the things I can still do. Focus on my abilities, not my losses, to boost my confidence and joy.
If I get dementia, remember that I am still me. My personality and essence remain, even if my memory fades.